Again, I have to bookmark the writings of Michael Kaplan. Several months ago I was lucky enough to read an unreleased film script of his which could have been named "Single Dad". About a wife who leaves her husband and the kids for her boss and her high paying executive job. A story written more than a decade ago but ahead of its time. What I really hated about the script was that the Father in fact became the Mother for the kids. If there ever was a stereotypical suburban mom, HE became that stereotypical Mom, despite the fact that he was male. That bothered me no end. I still believe that there is or should be a distinction. Even if the roles are switched, the Father wont just become the Mother and vice versa. Fathers can become stay at home with the kids` Dads, but they cant become Mothers. Is this clear? Probably not. Well you ll get it when the script will be released as a film which will still happen. Or maybe he will start selling it on some digital download. It could be a bestseller to all the stay at home dads. In fact required reading.
On my vacation in July my Mother went visiting away for a couple days and a good friend came up to the cottage who has a daughter a year older than my older girl. So it was two Dads and three kids. The older girls are friends and like to both go swimming a lot. The littlest one was still a bit apprehensive and scared about the water and went in and came out, but wanted to follow her sister all around everywhere. The towels were on the dock. The water toys are shared or rather attempted to be shared. The water is shallow at the shore but gets deeper as you go out. The girls are not accomplished swimmers yet. So, this is how the conversation went with me and my father friend.
" Blah blah blah, don't splash near the dock, you ll get your sister wet and the towels are on the dock. Blah blah blah..."
"Yes, blah blah, blah, hey, don't splash her face, hey, you don't do that. Blah blah blah blah ... "
"Uh huh. blah blah, well you have to share the water rings. She wants to use the ring too. You have two of them, give one to her. Or give her the board"
" But I need the board AND the rings."
"You don't need the board AND the rings or give her one for a while and then trade."
"awwww Daddy. I need them all right now."
"You have to share them"
"But I don't want to share"
"Share"
"What are you doing? Leave your bathing suit on, you ll go back into the water."
"But I want to take it off, its wet and I want to wrap in the towel"
"Yeah, but... oh forget it, its OK. So blah blah blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah.."
 | ||||
| "No no, you cant go past the pole, its too deep" |
"Daddy will you go out past the pole with me? I want you to swim with me past the pole."
"Stay in the shallow section"
"But its not deep past the pole in that direction."
"Wait, I'm coming, don't go out so far past the pole. Wait wait, oh brrrrr, its cold. Aiy its cold. Cant you stay in the shallow section where it is warmer?"
" I want to go past the pole"
"OK, give her the board or a ring so she can swim past the pole. Hey put your bathing suit on if you are going to come back in the water."
"No."
"Oh, it doesn't matter, you are only two. Do what you like."
"Yes, but now my daughter is starting to copy yours. Hey, put your clothes back on, you don't go swimming in the nude. The sheriff might come or something."
"But she is doing it"
"Yes, but she is 2 you are seven. You just cant....
"Hey careful. Don't go too far past the pole. You may think you are safe because you have the rings, but you still cant swim very well. ...... "
By this point all conversation is lost. Which is OK. I often have to tell friends that I have to take a rain check on the conversation because my daughter is out of my sight and I have to find her or some such sort. But what is disturbing is that BOTH me and my friend are reduced to what could be diplomatically called watching over the kids and making sure they are doing the "right" thing. Or what could be not so politely called, NAGGING our kids.
I am reminded of the Simpsons episode where the whole Simpson family point out the problem with Mom, Marge, is her nagging, meeeeh, meh. And it dawns on me that Michael Kaplan got it right with his Single Dad script and it is entirely possible that, as much as it bothers me, the father can turn into the mother, taking care of the kids. That in fact a UNIVERSAL Mother might exist, whether it is a mother or father (or grandmother for that matter). And the Universal OM of Mother, the universal sound of mom, is nagging the kids while he/she takes care of them.
Kind of depressing thought really.
This theory is still in the early stages of being thought out. I haven't tested it scientifically and it is open to comments and interpretations and even general guffaws of "that's ridiculous". In fact I wish someone would prove me wrong.
Unfortunately, Universal Mom doesn't necessarily include being able to cook. Neither me nor my friend had the talent of making up a good, healthy meal for our kids. But I blame him for giving in to his daughter and making all the kids a take out pizza with french fries for lunch. I told my wife about that meal and I got seriously berated for that. "Ouch, but it was Bill`s idea. No, no way, would I have given them that meal. Yeah, I know they were eating a lot of spaghettios, but..." Rats, the Single Dad in Michael Kaplans script could cook like a professional mofo tofu. I cant. Wish I could.
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