Etan Patz and the lasting effect on parents of today, including me.

     








  First there was news about the outcome of the Etan Patz murderer case against a Mr. Hernandez.

Now, if you don't know who Etan Patz is, you are lucky.  Because as the article stated, there is a difference in the US bringing up children pre and post Etan Patz' disappearance.  Here.

Pre disappearance, kids were much freer and were left at the playground without any parental supervision.  They could walk home or to school  after 6 years of age by themselves.  Parents let them be more independent.

Post disappearance, all those free range kids days, latchkey kids stopped.

I was at a high school reunion some years ago and for some reason the topic got on kids (now how did that happen?) and one friend, a woman, said, "its different these days.  We cant let our kids play in the parks by themselves."

The difference is that on May 25, 1979 Etan Patz was abducted on his way to school, BY A STRANGER.  His parents had let him walk the two blocks, TWO BLOCKS (its not very far) by himself to the bus stop and in that interval he was abducted and presumably murdered.  That was a game changer.  The perception that there are strangers out there who could take your children, and not for ransom money; it infected parents brains from that point on.  Regardless if the statistics show that most abductors will be a relative or someone we know.  It is perception that matters and the perception is that an abductor is more than likely to be a stranger.


What I wanted to get to talk about is that abduction not only affected the parents of that time, but it affected the children of that time who would become parents now.  Myself being one of those children turned parent today.  As a result there is a question in my head that I ask myself, "when will I let my older girl walk to school by herself?"  I recall, I was already walking to school by myself at least by the time I was 9 and maybe even 7 and my school was about the same distance from the house I grew up in as our flat is from my daughters school.  But I think for sure I will be walking her next year when she is 7 and after that we will see.  I worry about the busy streets just as much as an abduction.  I still don't think she pays attention when she crosses the street.  And some of the neighborhood she will walk through could be similar to that neighborhood which Etan Patz walked when he was abducted.

The result is that I will become more of a helicopter parent.  Will that be bad?  See my article on helicopter parents here.   Well, again, it depends how much and how long I will be a helicopter parent and does the risk outweigh the reward? In other words by being more helicopterish will I be harming my daughter more than the reward of my daughter being safe?  Maybe I am over reacting and it is a safe neighborhood.  Maybe I am over utopiaizing (no its not a word, I just made it up) that I can keep my children 100 per cent safe.  I can not.   Bad things can happen no matter what.  I can turn my head and something can happen.  But perception says that I can do a damn good job of keeping my children safe if I do more watching and hovering.    

It can`t be helped.  Unfortunately the abduction of Etan Patz in 1979 left a mark on myself and will affect the way I bring up my children. 

I don't like the word victim in this case, some people would say I am a silent victim of this case. However I was  "tattooed" by this event and I will act according to what I feel will be greater security and safety for my own children.  Some of that may be so called "helicoptering"

Perception is the reality.  More people are killed in car crashes than in plane crashes or by terrorist attacks.  But are people afraid to get into a car?  No.  There are more people scared to fly in a plane.  And you want to know how much the US government spends on preventing terrorist attacks, the budget of the Homeland Security?  No I didn't think you did.  It is one of those numbers that boggles.  But they still can not stop terrorist activity 100 per cent.  If they turn their heads even for a minute, a terrorist could attack.  Bad things happen in life.  You get the idea?  You get the parallel I am trying to draw?  If the national U.S. government is guided by perception and tries to stop terrorist attacks one hundred per cent (which it can`t), well, so I will try to keep my daughters 100 per cent safe and be guided by perception. 

Etan Patz was abducted by a stranger and the media coverage afterward and the government activity after that was immense including the beginning of pictures of missing kids on milk cartons.  I am not saying that was bad, but it did happen.  Therefore it is like this, for me too.   Rather safe than sorry, for that matter, killed.  Perception is the reality.

But permit me to end on a happy note:  I really enjoy walking my daughters to school.  I hope they wont mind if I walk them to school for many years.  It will leave me with such fond memories throughout my life.  Thus a silver lining to the very sad tale of Etan Patz.  I hope that makes him smile where ever he is.